Sunday, February 7, 2010
Conversations with my son in the car
Driving around loop 281 in Longview as been the venue for many a conversation with my fifteen year old son, Derek. Sometimes he does all the talking- usually about his latest ideas for making movies on the computer and what kind of products he wants to buy in order to create special effects. Sometimes I do all the talking. What's wonderful is that we can talk. For so many years, Derek was too young for real conversation so time was spent listening to stories, songs and how to speak Spanish and French for children on tape. Those days were enjoyable too, mind you, but these teenage years have really brought our relationship on a closer, deeper level. This is something I have to remind myself over and over again when I look at pictures of a chubby little preschooler who no longer exists. At least not in the cute, chubby sense anymore. I have to remind myself that I got a lot more out of those years than Derek did and Derek enjoys these years much better. As per this conversation :
“I'm glad it's just been you and me all these years. I think that if anyone was living with us we wouldn't be as close.”
One thing that is interesting about conversations in the car is that you can't really look at each other. It's two people communicating while looking straight ahead. This offers one the opportunity of focusing solely on the words the other person is saying as well as the words you're going to choose to reply. (This isn't true when talking on the phone-at least for me, because I'm usually cleaning or folding laundry.)
What do I say? Do I say, “Yes! I've felt the same way! I'm so glad that God has seen fit to keep me single for the last nine years! Yahoo! I love the wearing scarlet 'D'!”
Yet at the same time he's right. Our relationship wouldn't be the same. We wouldn't be so close if I had chosen to immerse myself in all the local activities provided for singles. If I had decided that the church we're attending is devoid of eligible bachelors (which it is) and to move on until I found a church with a singles group highly populated with marriageable men striving to “unsingle” themselves (I made that word up but I think it's a clever way to put it) ignoring the fact the God has given Derek healthy relationships, with caring male mentors in Sunday School and youth group at the church we're presently members of- we would not have the same relationship we enjoy now.
We wouldn't have developed a close relationship if what little free time I had I used to date rather than spend it playing board games and watching old “Mission Impossible” episodes with my son.
What if on those occasions when Derek was distraught about something and we needed to go on one of our long walks around the neighborhood (even though it was dark) I said, “Sorry sweetie, you know I love you, but I promised Big Mike (I like that name, sounds like a Team Impact member) that we'd go see “The Blind Side” tonight. Who could Derek turn to? (Instead, Derek and I went to see “The Blind Side” and talked about it all the way home in one of our other conversations.)
I'm so blessed to have a son that is not rebellious, disrespectful or desirous of not being seen with his mother (like I was when I was his age).
And this is what I said:
“ I am very grateful to God for our relationship. If this is what God wants for us. Then this is exactly what is supposed to happen. It has been what God has purposed for us for the last nine years. I have enjoyed our relationship,too and consider it a blessing from God.
If God chooses to bring someone in our lives. Know this. It will not interfere with our relationship but it will enhance it. For instance, you know that we are waiting for foster children to be placed into our home with the idea of adopting them. So many children do not have loving, safe homes to exist in. When God chooses to put those children in our lives, it will be exactly the right thing and will not detract but only add to our relationship.
And if God brings “someone else”? In the words of a friend of mine: 'It will be better than anything you will have imagined.'”