Yearly Christmas letter

December 2010
Longview, TX



The people that walked in darkness have seen a great light....


For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder; and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counselor, The Mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace


Isaiah 9:2, 6




To all my dear friends and family,

Merry Christmas!! We have been studying the book of Isaiah in Bible Study Fellowship this year and I have had Handel's Messiah singing in my mind ever since. I cannot even read the passages of scripture the he used for his oratorio anymore, I can only sing them. Derek and I have been listening to this wonderful work as we drive around town in our car.

This will probably be a brief Christmas letter- not because I'm concerned with boring you, of course not. It's just that Derek and I have to go shopping after this so he can buy me my Christmas prezzie, hee, hee.

Let's see, how do I sum up the past year? Let's start with Derek. As usual, my son is the best blessing to me from God. He is a sophomore at New Life Christian School where he's been attending since the 6th grade. We've had our ups and downs, learning how to apply ourselves to our studies etc.. but overall things have gone well. He is still swimming with the USA swim team. He did very well at his first national swim meet in Little Rock, AR a couple of weeks ago. The other parents presented him with a swim bag in celebration of this special occasion. I must admit that choked me up.

Derek also went on his first mission trip to Colorado this past summer with the youth of our church. This was a great experience for Derek in a number of ways. Number one he had to earn through volunteering some of the funds to pay for the trip. Also, he learned invaluable leadership skills as he helped organize and lead “backyard” Bible studies and sports in a unchurched neighborhood for a week. Over a hundred kids attended.

He also volunteered at a local Missionary compound with a Missionary friend of ours. Derek helped him landscape the grounds.

We're both still volunteering at Windridge (a hippo therapeutic center). They've begun giving classes for the volunteers which I have found very interesting and informative about the upkeep of horses.

Derek has just been accepted into the People to People Ambassadorship program. He'll be joining a delegation of students from East Texas and traveling to the United Kingdom to represent America. Prior to that time he will be studying the culture and history of these countries as well as his own so he will be able to carry on informed conversations with the people he will meet in the UK.

Another exciting and wonderful event has happened for Derek. A wonderful caring man has entered into his life and has been spending almost every afternoon with him engaging him in projects around his house. So far they've built a chicken coop, a radio antennae, a dog run and a camera.

This is the father that Derek has missed for so many years in his life. This man has also commented that Derek is the son he has yearned for, for many years.

Oh yeah, can I let you in on a secret? He is the man I've yearned for, for many years as well. Karl and I backed into each other last February through a series of e mails that had nothing to do with dating or romance (they were about Derek joining Civil Air Patrol). One thing led to another and Karl ended up asking me out to lunch. One thing led to another and in March he wrote my parents asking permission to court me. Over the summer we visited my family in Florida and Mississippi and his family in Austin, Alabama and Philadelphia. One thing has still led to another and we have just had our last premarital counseling session with our pastor. That's where things stand,so far. I'll keep everybody posted as one thing leads to yet another.

All I can say is God is amazing, great, good and cares about us. If we wait on the Lord, He will give us the desires of our heart. I have waited a long time for Karl. He's been worth the wait.

Other than that, I've quit teaching public school and am now working as a musician at East Texas Baptist University. I play with the students and professors there. When I'm not rehearsing or practicing on the piano I'm writing. Many of you read my blog. I'm using it as a medium to practicing my writing skills as I also write a book about my experience teaching music in elementary school.

For those of you at Johnston McQueen, I think of you often. Feel free to call and we can get together and do lunch some time.

And for all of you, have a wonderful, joy filled Christmas and many, many blessings for the following year!



Love,

Sharon and Derek

Singing With Skillet

When I was young, I enjoyed listening to hard rock music. Iron Maiden, Led Zeppelin, you name it. As I grew older and matured in my Christian walk I became aware of the lyrics these musicians were actually singing. The Holy Spirit tugged on my heart and I could no longer enjoy listening to that kind of music. It was too bad in one sense because I have always like modal melodies, searing voices and strong driving beats. Nowadays, however, the nihilistic message gets in the way of the sound.


In the past ten years I've primarily listened to Christian and Classical music. Compared to songs that praise God, secular music strikes me as particularly dark and empty. I used to love listening to Jimi Hendrix, then I started listening to what he was saying.



“Hey Joe, where you goin' with that gun in your hand?”

“I'm going to shoot my old lady, 'cause I caught her with another man.”



Or how about:



“I've got you under my thumb.'” by the Rolling Stones?



Not particularly uplifting, is it?



A few years back, when my son, Derek was on the brink of adolescence I attended a revival at my church. One night the guest preacher addressed the youth of the church. He said something that struck me. He told the young people, that there is no style of music they could like in the secular world that doesn't have a Christian music equivalent.

Since that time Derek has developed a taste in music that fairly parallels my own but instead of listening to Jethro Tull, ACDC and Ozzy Osbourne, Derek enjoys TobyMac, Lecrea, Canton Jones and Skillet.



It was the harsh, throaty cries of Skillet that was emanating from our CD player as we drove our car around Loop 281. I enjoy Skillet probably as much as Derek does. The only difference is that I sing along while he just quietly listens, bobbing his head to the beat. It was a great day, zooming down the highway, Derek telling me about his day at school, Skillet blaring away from the speakers, me singing along. As I sang, I thought how nice it was that Derek, in addition to all his other wonderful qualities as a son, never minded the fact that I like the same music as him or sang along with the songs.



Then another thought occurred to me. My son is a nice guy. A very nice guy. A sweet, nice, non-confrontational kind of a guy. So I asked a question:

“Derek.”

“Yeah.”

“Does it bother you when I sing along with your music?”

“Uh, why?”

“Well, I just remember my sister telling me how much it annoyed her when I sang along with songs she liked. Do you feel that way?”

“Well, uh, it's not that I mind, but you sing louder than the guys on the CD and well, you know, I'd really kind of like to hear them.”

“Oh. I didn't realize I was singing louder than the CD.”

“You're not even singing the same melody they are.”

“Actually, I was singing in harmony to their melody.”

“Oh. Well, I don't think the harmony should be louder than the melody.”



At this point I started laughing. I had a mental picture of Derek and I driving down the highway with “thought” bubbles over our heads, like in the comics. My bubble says, “Wow! Isn't it great that Derek doesn't mind me singing along with his music!” And Derek's bubble says, “Man! I wish she'd shut up!”

Still laughing I told Derek about my thought. He laughed too, then said, “Shut up's kind of a harsh word.”

I love my son.
















   There's some great books out there that can help you through those turbulent years of childhood. For myself, I read Bringing Up Boys by James Dobson. This books starts with the early years and continues for the rest of the time you have a relationship with your son (hopefully until you die of old age). Different chapters include, the wonderful difference between boys and girls; fathers and sons; mothers and sons, single parents and grandparents.  There's an excellent chapter called, "the Essential Father" that discusses that crucial role men play in raising their sons and how our boys are in crisis today because so many fathers have dropped the ball.  There's also a great section for the single parent, how to be both a mom and a dad, whether to date and remarry or not. Another chapter deals with the origins of homosexuality that I found particulary informative and, unfortunately, relative in today's culture.
   I gave the female equivalent, Bringing Up Girls to a friend of mine who's a single dad with a thirteen year old daughter.

Since it looks like his thirteen year old daughter may become my thirteen year old stepdaughter, I should probably read that one too.
  Another really good book by Dobson is called, Hide or Seek.  This book discusses the insane pressure our youth have to base their self- worth on how others view them.  Dobson goes into detail how this differs for both girls and boys (girls must look pretty; boys must be smart and successful) and he gives tools based on Biblical precepts on how to counter these cultural attacks on our children.

















     

          Another good book is called, Preparing Your Son for Every Man's Battle by Stephan Arterburn. This book's purpose is to bring parents to an awareness of all the challenges our sons are going to face when they discover the opposite sex. It is supposed to be a tool that will help you and your son learn how to arm against the relentless onslaught-the sexual assault I call it- of a sex-saturated society. Be advised that some of the material is graphic. I started this book when Derek was around eleven but stopped because it started delving into some things that my son, at least, wasn't ready for. Stopping wasn't my decision it was Derek's.    I'm sure there are boys that age who are ready to hear about the more disturbing aspects of teen dating, going too far, etc.. you'll need to use your own discernment. Don't push anything on your son that he's not ready for. The book itself states that “doing book” is supposed to be an enjoyable time where the two of you become close through reading together.

This book also has a female version, Preparing Your Daughter for Every Woman's Battle.






















       A good book to read together during book time (as suggested by the previous author) is, I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris. I think your average teenager will oppose the idea of not dating but this book will plant some powerful ideas into their head. Derek, for instance, has already decided the first woman he's going to kiss is his wife (yeah, I know, very radical) and he's already informed more than one eager young lady out there who would have liked to have been that first kiss of this (have I mentioned that I love my son?).










Joshua has twin brothers who wrote another great book that has nothing to do with dating but everything to do with rising above the mediocrity that is considered normal teenage behavior. Do Hard Things byAlex and Brett Harris is a battle cry to every teenager that their age is no excuse against accomplishing huge things. Their examples of real life super acheivers tend to lean towards accomplishing things in the political arena, probably because that's where their field of interests lie but they do have some good example of teenagers that have gone beyond the norm in fund raising for good causes or needy people as well as other accomplishments. The Harris boys keep your interest by writing about actual kids from all over the world and what they've done that makes them other than the average teenager suffering from angst.





In fact, the thing that struck me the most about this book is how they boldly state there shouldn't even be such a thing as adolescence. That it is a relatively new concept. Young men and women not a hundred years ago were using their teen years to prepare for adulthood not sitting around, glued to the computer playing games. They give many real life examples of young men and women who went out on a limb and showed that their age was in no way a hindrance in accomplishing things normally expected of much older people.






Finally, a book for fun: The Dangerous Book for Boys is a book that has everything that the authors Conn and Hal Iggulden think a boy should know about. From how to's to famous historical battles to how to deal with girls (humorous!) to every book in existence that a boy should read. How to make batteries, a treehouse, timers and tripwires, not to mention the world's greatest airplane. Then there's famous battles, like Waterloo, Caesar's Invasions of Britain, the Spartan Battle of Three Hundred. Lot's of how to's on first aid, marbling paper, Navajo code talkers' dictionary, survival skills.. heck, it's just a great book!!

An evil spirit called, "Self focus"

Once again I am handing my “blogging reins” over to someone who has guest blogged for me before, the mysterious “T”. I was suffering from some stress and anxiety, something that happens in spells. My doctor has suggested medication but so far I have chosen to pray myself through these dark periods. It's not easy but by praying, reading the Psalms through and, as it turns out, telling others I have victory over thoughts of defeat and depression. My friend wrote me the following e mail after a long conversation on the phone. I hope you all benefit from her Godly wisdom as I have.



Hi Sharon,



I was glad to see you last night, and glad you worked things out in your heart and mind so that you could be there to be used as God sees fit.  That is a blessing.  This morning, I woke up with a thought for both of us, as I also struggle with being hard on myself and mincing over every little wrong thing I perceive I may have done….



First, the scripture says…draw near to God and he will draw near to you….this is the way to resist the devil so that he will flee from you.  The next time you begin to hear the accusing voice in your head, stop and tell God you want to draw near to him right in that moment.  Maybe you could find a verse of comfort to memorize that assures you of drawing near to God in just such a moment.  Tell God you are feeling negative and being accused.  Draw near to God the best you can…he will draw near to you.



Next, the cure for worry and self-focus is to be grateful for what God has provided.  I learned to appreciate doing the dishes at my house by keeping in mind that many in the universe have no dishes, and I learned to thank God for my dishes, even when they are dirty and need cleaning (seems a constant chore at my house for some reason).  The next time you go home from Leader’s meeting with accusing thoughts about yourself or others…make a list of things to be thankful for.  Think about everything God did that morning to provide, protect, defend, prepare, and give to you, and ignore the voice that says you did something wrong.  Gratefulness is the cure for grumbling, even when we grumble at ourselves.  Break it down to even the simplest things, like thanking God we sit on chairs instead of on the ground, that we have lights and heat, that we can read and know his Word for ourselves, that God chose you to be there, and on and on and on.  Do it for as long as it takes to make the voices of doubt go away.  All day if need be…we have many things to be grateful for, and this is something I know you can do as I have seen you be grateful on this level many times already.  It is the key to changing your focus.



I am learning this same habit, and it really helps.  I was so glad for the principles of last week’s lesson…because exalting God is the way to navigate these kinds of nasty waters, and it is important to learn to do that as a daily, moment by moment habit.



I hope this helps you, and I will be thrilled to hear how you are doing with it over this year.  We can catch each other up on our progress in this area when we go to Joe Muggs for coffee!



Any thoughts you can add?  I’d love to know how you feel about this idea.

Love,

T

Conversations with my son in the car

Driving around loop 281 in Longview as been the venue for many a conversation with my fifteen year old son, Derek. Sometimes he does all the talking- usually about his latest ideas for making movies on the computer and what kind of products he wants to buy in order to create special effects. Sometimes I do all the talking. What's wonderful is that we can talk. For so many years, Derek was too young for real conversation so time was spent listening to stories, songs and how to speak Spanish and French for children on tape. Those days were enjoyable too, mind you, but these teenage years have really brought our relationship on a closer, deeper level. This is something I have to remind myself over and over again when I look at pictures of a chubby little preschooler who no longer exists. At least not in the cute, chubby sense anymore. I have to remind myself that I got a lot more out of those years than Derek did and Derek enjoys these years much better. As per this conversation :
“Mom.”
“Yes, Derek.”
“I'm glad it's just been you and me all these years. I think that if anyone was living with us we wouldn't be as close.”
One thing that is interesting about conversations in the car is that you can't really look at each other. It's two people communicating while looking straight ahead. This offers one the opportunity of focusing solely on the words the other person is saying as well as the words you're going to choose to reply. (This isn't true when talking on the phone-at least for me, because I'm usually cleaning or folding laundry.)
What do I say? Do I say, “Yes! I've felt the same way! I'm so glad that God has seen fit to keep me single for the last nine years! Yahoo! I love the wearing scarlet 'D'!”
Yet at the same time he's right. Our relationship wouldn't be the same. We wouldn't be so close if I had chosen to immerse myself in all the local activities provided for singles. If I had decided that the church we're attending is devoid of eligible bachelors (which it is) and to move on until I found a church with a singles group highly populated with marriageable men striving to “unsingle” themselves (I made that word up but I think it's a clever way to put it) ignoring the fact the God has given Derek healthy relationships, with caring male mentors in Sunday School and youth group at the church we're presently members of- we would not have the same relationship we enjoy now.
We wouldn't have developed a close relationship if what little free time I had I used to date rather than spend it playing board games and watching old “Mission Impossible” episodes with my son.
What if on those occasions when Derek was distraught about something and we needed to go on one of our long walks around the neighborhood (even though it was dark) I said, “Sorry sweetie, you know I love you, but I promised Big Mike (I like that name, sounds like a Team Impact member) that we'd go see “The Blind Side” tonight. Who could Derek turn to? (Instead, Derek and I went to see “The Blind Side” and talked about it all the way home in one of our other conversations.)
I'm so blessed to have a son that is not rebellious, disrespectful or desirous of not being seen with his mother (like I was when I was his age).

And this is what I said:

“ I am very grateful to God for our relationship. If this is what God wants for us. Then this is exactly what is supposed to happen. It has been what God has purposed for us for the last nine years. I have enjoyed our relationship,too and consider it a blessing from God.

But.

If God chooses to bring someone in our lives. Know this. It will not interfere with our relationship but it will enhance it. For instance, you know that we are waiting for foster children to be placed into our home with the idea of adopting them. So many children do not have loving, safe homes to exist in. When God chooses to put those children in our lives, it will be exactly the right thing and will not detract but only add to our relationship.
And if God brings “someone else”? In the words of a friend of mine: 'It will be better than anything you will have imagined.'”

What Kind of Conversationalist Are You?

I just finished reading, “The Five Love Languages” by Dr. Gary Chapman. Basically everyone has a way that they feel loved. Chapman breaks down these methods of showing and feeling loved into what he calls five “love languages”. They are quality time, gift giving, acts of service, words of affirmation, and physical contact. My primary love language is quality time. Personally, I resent someone who performs acts of service or brings me gifts but can't give me five minutes of their time because, “I need to understand, they're so busy.”
Inside the love languages, Chapman says there are “dialects”. In other words, two people may have the same love language but express it differently. For me quality time is having long substantial conversations with each other. Someone else may want you to spend time with them but not in conversation. For them quality time is doing things, like yard work, together.
This got me to thinking about conversational styles. Even people who like to spend time together talking still have their own “dialects”. There are people who don't actually want to have conversations. They want to have monologues. Now I don't mean that as negative as it sounds. I've had friends who do most of the talking and I really don't mind because they are so interesting to listen to. I enjoy sitting back and just hearing what they have to say. This past May I drove up from Austin with one of the band directors back to Longview. He's a young guy, maybe twenty-four. He did ninety percent of the talking but he was so much fun to listen to that I was happy to sit back and enjoy the ride accompanied by his stories and experiences.
Then I have friends who don't want to do any of the talking. I find myself forced into a position of monologuing because they won't contribute anything to the conversation. My closest friend in New Jersey was like this. When I told her it made me feel uncomfortable doing all the talking, she responded that she didn't mind, she liked to just quietly sit and listen to what others had to say. I think that the above two types of conversationalists are made hand-in-glove for each other.
I am neither type of talker. While I can enjoy doing most of the listening with an interesting person, that cannot be the only friend I have because to me it's pretty one-sided. I know a lot about them but they know practically nothing about me. How can I be friends with someone who doesn't really even know who I am?
I am the sort of conversationalist who has a lot of ideas and opinions about things and need to express them, but I need the other person's feedback. It's kind of like two people adding wood chips to a fire to keep it going. I need the other person to help feed the conversation. I give a viewpoint then they give their viewpoint. I share a personal experience, then they share a personal experience etc...
If I'm with someone who simply wants to listen without contributing anything to the conversation I feel as though I'm clapping with one hand. I bring up a topic, give an opinion, share an experience and it falls flat. I am then forced into the position of picking the conversation back up off the ground and starting again. It's tiresome and I don't enjoy it. It's no different then thinking to myself. It's as if the other person is there simply for decoration.
I could further explore the topic of why some people like to monologue and others need to have a “tennis match” conversation (like me). (Most monologuers primarily talk about themselves, their life, family, friends, personal experiences while my give-and-take conversation style is mostly more impersonal, dealing with philosophy, ideals, politics,etc.) but I think I've said enough on the subject for now. I guess I will close with the question, what kind of conversationalist are you?

Got a Piano Teacher?

The following is a letter to a friend who was inquiring about how to interview a prospective piano teacher. I thought the information might be useful to others out there in search of a teacher.

Hi I-!
Sorry it's taken so long to get back to you.  I'm a hypocrite because I really, really hate it when people put me on hold like that.  I have no excuse except I kept putting it off until I forgot about it.  Shawna reminded me today so here I am.  One reason I was putting off writing you about it is because it's not an easy question.

  First, you need to decide what exactly you want your daughter to get out of the lessons.  The ability to read and play music?  'To what level of difficulty?  Do you want her to learn to play by ear?  Transpose (take a song written in one key and play it in another key)?  Sight read?  Learn church music? Classical?  Jazz? Do you want her to learn for personal enjoyment or be equipped possibly to work professionally? (Yes there are plenty of jobs out there for muscians with the right skills.)

Then I will tell you that most teachers ONLY teach students how to read and play music from method books and the vast majority of kids will quit (or want to) once it starts to get hard and it will take a commitment of practising as a part of life's daily routine.  Are you going to let her take until she gets tired of it or make her take until she leaves home?
  If you're willing to go into Memphis, you'll probably find a really good teacher who will teach her more than just method books but also keyboard (above mentioned) skills as well.  Lest you think all those skills are for advanced students or geniuses, I teach ALL my students those skills from the get go, regardless of age.  There's more to the piano than just reading notes.  In fact I teach them to play by ear before I teach them to read music.
When interviewing a prospective teacher get their credentials.  Where did they go to school, do they have a Master's or just a Bachelor's (Yes, there is a HUGE difference between the two.) What was their degree in? Performance or also a pedagogy degree?  Have they ever worked (or are they) working professionally as a musician?
  Finally, you need to decide how determined you are.  Are you willing to enforce practise times?  Are you willing to make her keep taking even after it starts to get hard (which it will sooner or later). My advice is to find a teacher who will make the experience as positive as possible and don't let your daughter quit-even if it means changing teachers.  I've never met someone who regretted knowing how to play the piano as an adult and I've met countless people who have regretted quitting as a child. 
   Shawna tells me that Alyssa is a brilliant little girl.  Studies have shown that children who learn how to play the piano develop their intellect to a higher degree than those that don't.  There are many cognitive skills that are exercized and developed from learning how to play.  From a purely academic perspective you are helping your child succeed by having her take piano lessons. 

If you have any more questions, I'll try to answer them in a more timely manner.  Good luck!

Shallow grace and a truncated religion

The following letters were sent to a couple of writers of a Christian magazine I subscribe to. I left out names because I'm not sure what is legal to print without someones permission.


Dear Mr. O
Thanks so much for your article, "Class Without Rooms." I well remember taking an Old Testament class in college, thinking that we were going to study the Old Testament from a literary perspective (it was a literature credit). It turned out to be simply a running monologue of one derogatory comment after another from the professor who was determined to persuade us that the Bible was all nonsense. Of course we were all young, inexperienced, plastic-thinking students whose primary concern was to get a good grade. How I wish I could go back to that class with my present knowledge and maturity and challenge the inept arguments and unsupported assertions of that professor!
My son is 14 and I am already thinking how to best serve his post high school academic needs without wasting his time and my money by enrolling him in a college whose objectives are to indoctrinate rather than educate. I'm glad to hear about on line education and I will certainly be considering its possibilities.
I found your article to be relevant and timely. I thank your for it and I thank you and all the people who make - magazine possible. It is a refreshing oasis in the midst of the amoral, nihilist, and secular beliefs that produce most magazines. God bless you all.

Sincerely,
Sharon Henning


Sharon,

Thanks. For your son in several years, consider online education but also look into the few colleges that(are) not propaganda mills. The King's College, New York City, where I'm now provost, is one.
M
(I looked up King's College on the web. Although my sons interests lean toward technology, it looks like an excellent liberal arts school that will equip young people to confront secular worldviews with intelligent arguments as well as deepen their own knowledge and faith. I recommend looking into this school for any believer seeking degrees in politics, philosophy or economics: http://www.tkc.edu/abouttkc/aboutnyc.html)


Ms. S,
I wanted to drop you a brief note to tell you how much I appreciate and agree with what you said in your article, "Control that Tongue". I get frustrated with professing Christians that believe the Christian experience is all about God loving us but don't understand that it is also about us loving God.
If we love the Lord with all our hearts, minds and souls, we gladly and ardently wish to live a life of obedience to Him. I believe the fallacious thinking that causes people to interpret grace as a license to sin without consequence is due to an ignorance concerning what the Bible says. (My people die for lack of knowledge Hosea 4:6).
I also believe that many professing Christians have filled their minds with ungodly thinking due to what they are reading and viewing on TV and other media, it seems their consciences have been seared. As long as I'm preaching, let me frankly say that our society has heretofore made it comfortable for many to claim to be Christians without risk or sacrifice to themselves which might explain why many worldly people enjoy calling themselves Christians. I've always thought that if great persecution comes to American Christians the only good thing to come of it will be that unsaved people will stop calling themselves Christians because the price will be too high.
Well, so much for brief and I hope I did not come across as overly negative. Your article really struck a chord with me. Thanks for writing your article and God bless you and your family.

Sincerely,
Sharon Henning


Dear Ms. Henning,

Thank you for that "preaching." It hit the spot. Sounds like a page from Dietrich Bonhoeffer's books.
Quite an insight you have there about what would happen if persecution ever hit the country.
Blessings.


It is encouraging to know (of) people who have an uncompromising faith. Today at lunch I got into a "discussion" with a colleague about the inerrancy of the Bible. She started explaining the meaning of "666" based on what she heard on a TV show. I began to tell her that the Bible said something different. She interrupted me to say that the Bible was subject to each person's interpretation. I maintained that the Bible is not vague or unclear and is not any one's guess as to its meaning. She insisted it was and she wasn't going to argue with me because it would be like arguing with the pumpkin that was the centerpiece for our table.
This lady is attending a large Southern Baptist church and has been going to a weekly Bible study there. I happen to know many people who go to that church and I know that it is a conservative denomination and that the official position is that the Bible is the inerrant word of God. I would like to ask that woman to go ask her pastor's opinion about interpreting scripture. Maybe I will, but I'll have to wait until I can do it out of love because right now I'm too angry.

Last night at BSF we were learning about the history of the Samaritans. It seemed that they liked to pick and choose which part of the Bible they believed in as well. (They only accepted the first four books.)The study observed that they (the Samaritans) had a "truncated religion because they had a truncated Bible."
That's what many people have today. This isn't court of law so I'll presume motives. If what the Bible says is any one's guess than we don't have to do what it says. We can live however we feel like and still feel spiritual about ourselves.
Pretty shallow grace if you ask me. In fact it's not grace at all, it's deception and it's going to lead people down the same road to judgment and condemnation as an unbeliever.

What is man?

My friend, Lisa and I were in our tent reading. We had taken our sons camping out in Glen Rose and had spent the day walking around the park, going to the river to see the dinosaur tracks and visiting the Creation Museum. All in all it had been a good day. It started to drizzle in the afternoon and began raining hard enough that we had to retreat to our tent where we spent the rest of the afternoon reading the books that we had purchased from the Creation Museum. These books were wonderful and brought out the beauty of God's creation, filling me with a deep sense of how awesome God is.
Eventually it became too dark to read so we just lay down on our pads. Derek and Ethan had already fallen asleep. Around 11:00pm that night a couple in the next tent started talking. They had actually been talking in the background the whole time we were in the tent but because we had been reading we hadn't been paying much attention. Now that we were ready to go to sleep, we couldn't help but hear them. That and the fact that they were getting loud.
It was obvious from their slurred speech and the content of their conversation that they had been on the razzle for awhile and now it was taking effect.
The couple was a man and a woman, maybe married or not, and they began to have an argument. It went something like this:
“You know you paid me a hundred dollars to -”
“I did not pay you a hundred dollars to-”
“Yesh you did! You wanen a pay me hunerd dollars to-”
“I di' no'. I ne'er ash you for hunner' dollarsh....!
This went on for what seemed like hours. As I lay there, a captive audience, listening to this drivel I began to think of God as the Author of creation.

When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers,
The moon and the stars,which You have ordained,
What is man that you are mindful of him?

I began to reflect how God, our Creator, has made our brains with such infinite complexity and man (some men) have chosen to drink themselves so incoherent that they can hardly string two or three words together to form a semi-cohesive sentence.

And the son of man that you visit him?

Then I got to thinking about others who don't kill off their brain cells with alcohol but never develop the potential of their minds out of intellectual laziness. They'd rather feed it with what I call “media baby pap” by what they read, watch on TV and listen to on the radio.


For You have made him a little lower than the angels
And You have crowned him with glory and honor.

And the busyness. So much running around there's no time to stop and reflect. No time for philosophy. How does the poem on my mother's refrigerator go?

No time, no time to study
to meditate or pray
yet much time for doing
in a fleshly, worldly way
No time for things eternal
But much for things of earth
Things important set aside
For things of little worth.
Some things, it's true are needful
But first things must come first
and what replaces God's own word
Of God it shall be cursed.

Being a childen's leader in BSF is exhausting. There's the 6:30am Leadership meetings on SATURDAY MORNINGS! (5:00am on Fridays once a month, like this week). And, of course, the Bible study itself on Monday evenings. Wow. What a commitment! God should be so grateful (tongue in cheek).
But then there are the rewards. The rich, ever deepening intimacy with the Creator of the heavens and the earth. And the development of my intellect. People don't talk about that, as though that shouldn't be an objective in our Christian living. Well, it may not be an objective but it certainly is a consequence of spending time sacrificially studying God's word, praying and fellowshipping with fellow Christians. God made our minds. He took delight in doing so. What He makes is good. Is it not both a privilege and a duty to glorify God through using all He's given us, including developing our ability to think on higher planes?

Dear God, I thank you for your generous gifts, including my mind. May I use it to the best of my ability according to Your will and purpose. In Jesus' name, Amen.
(Scripture: Psalms 8:3-5)

Grace, grace and more grace

I've reprinted a letter I sent to my sister.


Hi Shawna,
Phyllis just sent me the photos of Derek and me. I now know that you were being nice in saying I "looked different" on the horse and horses "make people looked squished down".
What you were doing is trying to find a polite way of saying, "What's up with Sharon's big ol' pot belly?"
Good night! How much weight have I gained?!
I don't think I look like that in the mirror. And don't try reasoning that photos distort someone's body because there's nothing to compare it to. I was on a horse, for goodness sake! I have got to lose more weight.
So I guess the last laugh is on me. There I was making fun of the chubby women rodeo riders when all along you were on the line listening to me thinking, "hmm...maybe she without cellulite should throw the first stone."
Well, I've been ill these last two weeks so I'm not working out for a little while.

On a more worthy subject: BSF is going really well although I think we have not been without Satan's attack. First, Iris, one of my co-children's leader, left all her notes at home so she had to adapt her discovery lesson.
Then there was me. I had to do the closing activity which is basically to get the kids to memorize next week's scripture. I took the scripture to school and, with the aid of the deaf ed interpreters, learned how to put the scripture into sign language as a memory aid to make the lesson more interactive and interesting. For the record the scripture was:

"No one has seen God, but God, the one and only
who is at the Father's side, has made Him known." (John 1:18)

I had it so beautifully prepared. So simple yet just a lovely visual representation of God's word. I get to the Bible study that night, rarin' to go only to find out I had the wrong Bible lesson. The scripture I was supposed to teach the children was actually:

"Jesus did many other miraculous signs in the presence of His disciples, which are not recorded in this book. But these are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in His name." (John 20:30, 31)

Well, well, well. Did I teach the kids and adults how to use American Sign Language to recite scripture? Nope.
Did I throw a bunch of English words together and sign John 20:30-31? Yep. Did God enable me to use sign language to enable every one to learn and memorize the scripture? Yes, He did. As I was going through the activity, God kept reminding me that the object was not to teach these children sign language but help them to memorize the assigned Bible verses and I can say with satisfaction that we all had the scripture memorized in fifteen minutes. Not only that but we could sign the verses without speaking, which actually looked pretty cool.
Do we serve a great God who's love everlasting assists us in the minutest details of our lives? Yes! Yes! and Yes!

One thing our teaching leader at bible study said was that Jesus' death on the cross was not only to cover our sins but to pour grace in our lives every day and every moment. Grace, grace and more grace. Grace covered me Monday night at Bible study. That is my wish to each reader out there.
May you have God's grace. Grace, grace and more grace.

Is there a Light at the End of the Tunnel?

Well, I am earnestly praying and asking others to pray for me. The CPS worker says everything is looking good but wants to know what my contingency plan is. When asked to explain she said it means that if something should happen to me and I am unable to take care of the children I've adopted, who would take care of them for me. This is a problem. I know of no one I can go to and say, "You know that foster/adopt program I've been training for? Well, uh, by the way, if something should happen to me, would you adopt kids that you have never met?"
I am concerned that this is going to be an obstacle in my adopting. I'll keep everyone posted.

A Couple of My Favorite Quotes

I told myself that I was going to post something new every week and this week has slipped by. Therefore I am going to simply post the thoughts of some of my favorite thinkers.

"Man walks apart though not alone
He walks among his peers unread
The best of thoughts that he hath known
For lack of listeners remain unsaid."
-Washington Irving

This quote pierces my heart because even though Irving wrote this over a hundred years ago, the truth of his statement hasn't faded. How many of us suffer from a sense of isolation from our fellow humans because there is no one to take the time to hear what's inside of us? I have to remind myself that the other person is not merely a sound board for myself but is a living breathing soul with thoughts and opinions and experiences of their own who has the same need to reach out to others with what is indwelling their own soul.




"It used to be we had an egalitarianism of people and an elitism of ideas.
Now we have an egalitarianism of ideas and an elitism of people.
In the process they have lost both truth and personal value.

Post modern thought has debunked the notion of truth and not only has it lost truth but personal value as well."
-Ravi Zacharias

I see this in our modern culture which says that no one has a monopoly on the truth. The attitude is that everything is truth. Therefore it is impossible to know anything because all thoughts are the same. What has this produced? People creating a heirarchy on the value of life. I have been debating several people on the site, opposingviews.org about when life begins. Their arguements are all the same. I cannot dictate my Juedeo/Christian morals to anyone therefore everyone can choose for themself when life begins. They (my debaters) conclude that since all ideas are equal and no idea has more value than another the most helpless have less of a right to live than those who have already been born. The only reason I can give them that this is wrong and murder is because God says it is so from the Bible. The Bible is truth therefore unborn children have an equal right to live. To others there is no truth, therefore the unborn do not have a right to live.
This is only one example that comes to mind from the concept when all ideas are equal, people develop an elitist attitude towards their fellow humans but when we have an elitist attitude towards ideas (some are true others are false) we then see equal value being placed on human life.

That is all for now. I promise to review "King Solomine's Mines" by Haggard tomorrow.

Mamma Never Knew

My sister and I were sitting in my front living room sharing a cup of tea and memories. We enjoy reminiscing of when we were young, often comparing our children's lives with our own childhood. One of the things that continually amaze us is how much more freedom our parents gave us as opposed to the amount of freedom we give our own kids.

“You know, Shawna. We don't let our kids out of our sight. I know where Derek is all the time. There's no running off with neighborhood kids for hours on end. Where were mom and dad anyway when we were kids?”

Shawna stretched out onto the sofa across from the chair I was sitting in, took a sip of Darjeeling and said, “They let us out in the morning and called us in at night.”

This got me to thinking of all the things I did when I was a child that, to my knowledge, my parents never found out I did. Playing with the horses across the street comes to mind.

When my family was stationed in Bitburg, Germany we lived on the edge of the army/air base there. Catty corner across the street from our building was a horse pasture. I loved to visit the horses and pick long-stemmed grass for them to eat out of my hand. Sometimes I would bring carrots, sugar cubes or even an apple for them to eat.

By the time I was eleven, I had gotten so comfortable with these beautiful creatures that I would climb over the fence and walk around with them. One horse in particular was my favorite. He was a tall black horse of breed I know not and I named him Midnight.

My friends and I would spend all afternoon walking around the pasture with the horses. Midnight would follow me around, nibbling on my shoulder. In my mind, he was my horse.

Well, one day we got it into our heads that one of us needed to ride Midnight. Midnight turned out to be an unbroken horse, as we were later to find out. Day after day Midnight would quietly stand, presumably unaware of our intentions, as we would try to hoist one of us up onto his broad back without success. Without success, that is, until we were joined by a new girl who had just arrived from Texas. We all agreed to try to get her to ride on Midnight. It's hilarious to recall now, but my friends, Terri, her brother, Michael, some others whose names I don't recall, and I faked German accents to persuade this Texan that we were kids from the German farm who owned the horses and already knew how to ride them, but would she like to try?

So with one hoist from us, she expertly climbed atop Midnight's back. This, ladies and gentlemen, was the moment in time when we discovered that it was highly doubtful that Midnight had ever been ridden before. If chaos had ever been bound before, it broke loose now. Everything happened in a blur and it will actually take longer to write down what transpired than it took to occur. Midnight took off bucking and snorting. I had the misfortune of being in front of him and I turned and ran for all I was worth. It took me very little time indeed to comprehend the foolhardiness of trying to outrun a horse. I think it was when his hoof hit the bottom of my foot that this particular epiphany struck. My difficulty lay in that I had a fence on one side of me and Midnight behind, a little to the right of me. The fence blocked my only means of escape unless I wanted to take my chances throwing myself in front of the horse, in the remote possibility that he would leap over me rather than the likely possibility that he would grind me into the ground as he galloped over me.

God was truly with me that day because without thinking I grabbed a fence post and clung to it as Midnight thundered past me. Luckily, the girl from Texas knew how to ride bareback and even better, she knew how to fall because she did not stay very long on that horse.

To this day I don't think I've ever told my mom about that incident. Not because I was trying to hide it from her but because it simply never occurred to me.
My foot was sore for a few days and shortly after, we moved back to the states. Since then, I've never been much involved with horses until my son started riding last year. Going out to the ranch every week has renewed my interest and rekindled my love for one of God's most beautiful creatures. So much so that I've begun wondering how much it would cost to get a horse.

If I ever get a black horse, I think I'll name him Midnight.

More Thoughts about Adopting

I was looking at the TARE network the other day. I first read all the success stories of people who had adopted. It also included people who had been adopted and how much it meant to them. I read these stories to buoy myself up; sometimes I feel so nervous about what I'm planning to do. It was truly encouraging to read the different accounts people gave of why they adopted and how they arrived at adopting the children they received into their family. Many of them used the term "forever family", a phrase I'm sure that the adoption agency coined. It is a wonderful way to describe how these children have been given a permanent home.

I was especially heartened to see that a number of single men and women adopted- some of them adopted quite a few kiddos. One women lives on a ranch and adopted several children. There is a photo of them, each on a horse. One little guy is on a small burro- so cute!

After reading the stories I then went to the TARE gallery. This is a listing of children who are already up for adoption. It includes children's photos, biographies, medical conditions as well as what sort of home would best suit each child. Most of them are sibling groups and teenagers. There's no shortage of older children who need to be adopted.

I was pondering about teenagers. You know, if you adopted teenagers, they would only be with you for a few years and it would give them a home at last. Then you could adopt more kids after the first group grows up and moves on. I don't know, just thinking. On the other hand, the younger you got them the less wounds they would have to heal from and you will have saved a child from a lot of potential suffering. God has people He wants to adopt the teenagers and He has people He wants to adopt the younger ones. Each of us is called to fullfill a specific purpose so we can perform all the good works that He has prepared in advance for us to do. (Ephesians 2:10)

I wonder, though: are all God's people surrendering their will to His as far as adopting children goes?

It seems to me that the families who do adopt, adopt A LOT of children. I know families that have adopted 6-14 children. Obviously, they have surrendered to the mission God has purposed for them to do. Nevertheless, my question is: If every Christian family out there was truly listening to God's voice about whether they should adopt or not, would the few families that do adopt need to run virtual orphanages out of their homes? Are there not some children who would thrive better in a small family where they could receive more individual attention? This is not a criticism of those who adopt so many, by the way. They have crowns with many jewels waiting for them in heaven. I'm just saying that there seems to be an extreme disparity here. Surely, more Christian families should be adopting. I don't believe God has purposed every Christian to adopt, but I fervently believe that every single Christian should be on their knees praying to God about whether they should adopt or not. For some that answer will be, "no". For many more out there, that answer will be, "yes"!

After all, what does the Bible say about the orphans and the widows? Is there not a warning to us all in Matthew 25:31-45? What about James 1:27? In fact, get out a concordance and look up all the scripture that has the word, "orphan" in it and see what it says. Excuse me, see what GOD says.

Adoption is not something to jump into, but there should be praying and perhaps even fasting to seek out God's will to be completely sure whether we are submitting to God's will in this respect.

Back to the TARE gallery: There were two brothers that caught my eye. One was a teenager and the other 9 or 10 years old. They weren't what I imagined for Derek and myself but I keep thinking about them. I just have to pray for God's guidance. I'm not wise enough in myself to decide. God has already planned for the children He is going to put in our house. I figure He'll give us someone easy at first since I've never done this before. Famous last words, maybe?

I was a stranger and you invited me in.

...whatever you did for the least of these brothers of mine,
you did for me. Matthew 25: 35, 40

I was a stranger and you did not invite me in...
...I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for the least of these,
you did not do for me. Matthew 25: 43, 45

A religion that is pure and unstained is this:
to take care of orphans and widows.... James 1:27

With Some Trepidation...

Well, I have all the paperwork in and sent it to the CPS worker. Friends have told me that they have received and are filling out questionnaires about me and my home to send back to the agency.
Generous friends have given me a bunk bed frame and I've spent (in my opinion) more than a little money buying mattresses, sheets, comforters and the like. In fact, I've spent a bit of money to get my house inspected and making it safe: smoke detectors in all the bedrooms, fire extinguishers, $75.00 fee to the Fire Marshall etc..then there's getting CPR/First Aid certified, finger printed $$$! I'm a naturally frugal person and so I've gotten a little disgruntled at the money I've been spending. Yes, I'm someone who stresses about finances. Maybe because for so many years as a freelance musician, I had to live on the edge. Even now, with a stable job, being a single mom who receives no outside financial support I feel sometimes as though I'm just living paycheck to paycheck. Maybe that's normal, I don't know.
I just remind myself that what is going on here is more important than my sense of financial security. Can I imagine the lives some of these children are living and really decide they're not worth it? Isn't that rather like all those religious leaders who passed by the man broken and bleeding on the side of the road because it just wasn't convenient? Am I a good Samaritan or a pharisee? God is my provider. If I'm doing His will by seeking to foster/adopt then He will bless my endeavor. As long as I'm being a good financial steward and spending my money how the Lord wants me to then everything is going to be all right.
I've been reading other blogs from people who have adopted and the challenges they are facing. Part of me thinks, "Lord, don't give me a child like that". The other part is reminded that God will not give me or my son anyone that is beyond our ability to care for. He is completely and minutely involved in my life and that includes the process of fostering and adopting children. God works in and through our lives with purpose. Nothing God plans is random or haphazard. Even though whatever child/children He brings into our lives will have its challenges I also know that God has promised to equip us for everything that happens.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5,6.

I know that life will be irreversibly changed after bringing more children into our lives. I remind myself that I felt the same way when I was pregnant with Derek. I'd never been pregnant before and I knew that my life was about to radically take a turn. The unknown was scary. Looking back, however, I recall that first year with Derek as one of the happiest years of my life. There was so much joy and excitement! Before I had Derek I was afraid because I knew I couldn't live only for myself anymore. So much independence and freedom would be gone. Now I can't imagine life without him. The days before my son was born are almost a kind of dark ages. Not that I wasn't happy, I just am so glad he's here.
Fostering children isn't going to be exactly the same thing, but I believe that, if this is God's will, it is going to be better than anything I can imagine. I'm still nervous-rather like when I was waiting to go down that steep slide at Hurricane Harbor where it seems as though you just drop off the edge and free fall-I am holding God's hand. He is walking alongside us and everything is going to be exactly according to His purpose.

"When we walk with the Lord
in the light of His word
what a glory He shines on our way.
When we do His good will
He abides with us still
and to all who will trust and obey."

My second day to ramble

We just got back from a horse ranch where Derek rides throughout the year. We are volunteering there this summer as we did last summer. I have been volunteering all year there and have gotten pretty good at cleaning stalls and grooming horses.
Today we learned how to put the bridle on the horse and how to clean their hoofs. I didn't grow up with horses but I would now like to own my own. I have been reading up on breeds. There are hot, cold and warmblooded breeds. It has nothing to do with the horses temperature, actually, but whether they are a heavy draft horse (Clydesdale, Shire, Percheron etc.) or a light spirited one (Arabian, Thorough Bred). Most horses are warm which is to say they possess any percentage of the previous two.
I often wonder what sort of horse I would get. I think the Quarter Horses are beautiful because they are so powerfully, yet sleekly built. (For all of you that don't know their name comes from the fact that they can run a quarter of a mile faster than any other horse. They can explode into a sprint from a standing position.) If I got a paint I would name him Van Gogh or Vermeer (after a painter, get it? Paint, painter? Never mind.) I think the most beautiful horses I've seen are the Shire crosses. That is a horse that is crossbred from a shire and some other breed.
There are two horses at this ranch that are Shire crosses: MiLady and Sir Benjamin. (They title all the large bred horses.) They are not as big as the purebred draft horses but are still larger than the average warm blood breeds. Their most lovely aspect, however, is their beautiful manes. They are long and flowing and wavy. They remind me of something out of a PreRaphaelite painting.
Not only that, but the larger breeds tend to be more docile. So really, I would be wise to get a big friendly horse like a Belgian Draft or a Clydesdale. You know, I've thought it would be funny in a rodeo during the barrel races to have a huge Clydesdale come running out and whip around those barrels just as a joke because nobody'd be expecting it.
Okay.... I've exhausted that subject...

How I am spending my summer

I believe this is my second post although I can't seem to find my first post.
What is the first thing to write about?
Since it is now summer vacation I am on my own "sabbatical" if you will. In other words I am spending most of the day stretched out on a sofa reading.
What am I reading? I'm glad you asked. I start out in the morning reading the Bible. I am currently using a very good commentary on the book of Matthew by Oliver B. Greene. He wrote it in the early seventies but you'd think he wrote it now because his comments on the condition of our present world and even the church is relevant.
After that I am reading "The Spiritual Man", by Watchman Nee. This is a heavy read and I can only digest small bites at a time. Consequently, I am only half way through this book even though I started last spring. Watchman Nee was a Chinese Christian during the early part of this century. He was imprisoned for the last twenty years of his life which no doubt gave him plenty of time to reflect. This is apparent in his book. He elucidates on the difference between the spirit and the soul, both of which coexist inside of us. He differentiates between when we are acting on our spiritual intuition (which is our spirit communing with the Holy Spirit) and our soulish inclinations (our carnal thinking). Nee offers great insight to Christians on how to discern when we are acting spiritually or soulically.
Then I write in my prayer journal. If anyone out there wants me to pray for them let me know.
I'm currently praying for my sister as she leaves here (the reason why I moved here in the first place) for the great land of Grenada, Mississippi. (Wah!!!) If you like to pray for others. Pray that she make good friends.
Afternoons, I bike twelve miles, then work out at a gym while my son is at swimming practise.
Evenings we read together. First the Bible-we're reading through Leviticus. That's a surpisingly good read, by the way, but I can comment later. Then we read fiction. We're currently reading, "Solomon's Mines" by H. Rider Haggard. Haggard wrote the book as a bet he could write a story just as exciting as Robert Louis Stevenson's "Treasure Island". So far, so good. By the first page I was hooked. I've never understood why people think they have to settle for all the "bubble gum" (sweet to taste but no nutritional value) reading out there when getting their kids to read. I always hear the excuse that there isn't anything out there for kids. That's just pure ignorance. There is so much wonderful reading out there for kids that if they read all the good stuff they wouldn't have time for all the mediocre reading that's so popular nowadays.
I think that future posts will be reviews of the books that Derek and I are reading to hopefully encourage others to seek out the rich assortment of really good literature that is available for kids.
In the evenings I visit with my sister (for now) and good friends. I love to sit around and talk with good company. I also call and write friends who live far away (a Japanese friend who lives in North Carolina and an East Texan friend who now lives in China).
The day ends with me reading the morning passage of scripture in Spanish (I'm reading through the Bible in Spanish) and then my fun reading until I drop off (around midnight). I'm currently reading an anthology of short stories. This book has reminded my of how much I love Henry James- I'm going to have to buy a collection of his works. I've also read a great short story by Pushkin. I'm going to have to buy a collection of his prose as well. Not any time soon, though. I've already got a pile to go through.
What else to add to this already considerably long post?
I'm training to be a foster-to-adopt parent. Getting all my ducks in a row for that. I will be posting that experience periodically and will certainly welcome any positive and encouraging comments from anyone who has been a foster parent, becoming or thinking of becoming a foster parent,or someone who is or has been a foster child.
Finally, in a couple of weeks. Derek and I are going to visit good friends out in west Texas and go camping in the Guadalupe Mountains. Anyone who likes to camp and knows of great undiscovered places let me know.
Well, I will sign off for now.