Sunday, December 9, 2012

Dating and the Single Parent by Ron L. Deal

  Dating and the Single Parent by Ron L. Deal is an important book and one that should belong in the library of every divorced person who has considered remarrying or at least reentering into the wonderful world of dating.

    Bottom line:  if you are divorced with kids still at home you’re better off not dating or remarrying.  You should devote your time to raising your children.  The odds of remarrying at this time and not becoming a twice-divorced statistic are not in your favor.

    However, they are not insurmountable, and, as Mr. Deal realistically observes, many single parents do not want to wait-especially if they believe they have met someone they want to spend the rest of their life with.

 Therefore, the rest of the book is devoted to detailing what steps a single parent needs to take to not only prepare themselves but their children for what is at stake and what they have in store for themselves. 

The first section of the book includes chapters that help the single parent decide if they are ready to date. 

Mr. Deal accurately describes divorce in the same terms as experiencing a death.  The recovery of both can take years.  You may think you want someone in your life.  You may believe that you are in a healthy frame of mind to accept that person into your life.  But are you?

Deal provides a lot of real case scenarios as well as a checklist to help the single parent evaluate just how ready they are to add another person to their family equation.

Then there’s the children.  You may feel ready, but are they?  Deal poignantly and deftly points out that if your children are not emotionally ready to handle a new “parent” the chances of marital success are slim. 

After evaluating yourself and your children, Mr. Deal gives invaluable strategies to help prepare yourself and your children for the dating arena.  One chapter delineates the fears that children (young and adult) have when their parent starts to date.  Again, ignoring these very real challenges are huge strikes against a lasting relationship or marriage with a second spouse.

Section two gives helpful advice on the RIGHT places to find love.  He has a great chapter called, “Yellow Light, Red Light, Green Light.”  He gives a checklist for each.  What signs does this potential partner give that is a warning you should take seriously?  What are deal breakers?  When is it clear that you can go ahead?

His final section has useful advice on marriage commitment and step-family preparation.  His most profound point, in my opinion,  is that step-families should not be thought of as “blended” as though you could throw two different groups of people in a figurative blender and they’ll quickly mix.  It’s better to think of the process as a crock pot, where people “simmer” together, taking years to get used to one another. 

 If you’re thinking of remarrying, this would be a good book to read before embarking on that adventure.

I received this book free from the publisher.

or buy it Kindle on $8.79


No comments: